Many know of pain early on in marriage, we also experienced struggles and (thankfully) we chose not to give up, but slowly (and painfully) walked into healing.
After entering a season of ‘great sadness’, I realized I was a broken, baggage carrying, wall-keeping woman. In that time, I not only chose forgiveness, I received forgiveness. All those years ago, thinking in my own limited thoughts, that ‘forgiveness’ was finished! Jesus had used that same phrase, surely it applies to my forgiving! Ha!
I was journeying from the “wow, my character must be pretty bad if God has to keep working on me” to “ wow, He loves me so much that He won’t leave me with these character flaws!” In times of peace and times of chaos, God continued to train me up, receiving forgiveness...extending forgiveness.
While in a time of worship on my face before the Lord, (10 years later) God showed me that I had a ‘choke hold’ on Rich, wanting him to pay! Ouch! It was in my own DTS, I realized my forgiveness was needing to go deeper. Again, choosing to love and forgive. Again, thinking surely this time it is finished, how can it go any deeper!
Fast forward another 9 years...because of the nature of our ministry together, we are constantly faced with the choice to actually walk out the Father’s heart towards each other. From the hurt caused early on in my life and then in our marriage, God showed me I had been keeping a part of my heart “protected” not wanting to be hurt again. In a time of prayer I felt a “poverty mindset” fall off...that my thoughts weren’t coming from a negative place, expecting to be hurt, but from a place of knowing I’m loved and chosen.
There’s been a new freedom, a breath of fresh air, the walking out “a hope deferred”. We’ve had young people say we act like newly weds! YES! We will take that! And knowing the journey will continue deeper into the Father’s heart for us..we walk.